Still Surviving in Sobriety: A Message for Black Women Veterans

Somewhere between coming home from the military and trying to “adjust” to the civilian world, many of us realize—we never stopped surviving.

We may have taken off the uniform, but we didn’t leave the sense of urgency behind. We may have put down the bottle, but the need to stay in control, stay busy, and stay quiet didn’t disappear. Even in sobriety, we still find ourselves stuck in survival mode—hyper-alert, emotionally shut down, and carrying the weight of unspoken grief.

If you’re a Black woman veteran in recovery, you’re not imagining it … and you’re not alone. You’re carrying more than you were ever meant to bear. While you may have been taught to push through, it’s okay to pause and to lay it down.

The Hidden Cost of Being “Strong”

In my upcoming book, From Silence to Strength, I wrote about how I once believed survival was a form of strength. I could function under pressure, adapt in any environment, and hold it all together while making sure everyone else was okay. That was my superpower—or so I thought.

However, underneath all of that was exhaustion. There was an emotional numbness and a quiet longing to just be without the need to perform, prove, or pretend.

That military conditioning doesn’t just disappear when we leave the service. It lingers in our relationships, in our recovery, and in how we relate to ourselves. We become experts at suppressing pain, dismissing our needs, and apologizing for our emotions. Even after sobriety, we can find ourselves in that same loop: doing everything right, but feeling completely disconnected from who we are.

What Survival Mode Looks Like in Sobriety

Survival mode isn’t always loud—it’s often silent and invisible. It looks like going numb and shutting down instead of speaking up. It sounds like saying “I’m good” when your soul is screaming for reciprocity, rest, and restoration. It feels like guilt when you try to slow down, or shame when you say “no” and finally choose yourself.

For Black women veterans in recovery, survival mode can be mistaken for success. You’re sober, you’re functioning, you’re doing all the “right” things. But if you’re still on edge, still hyper-independent, still struggling to feel safe in your body or trust your voice in any given situation, you’re not broken. You’re still surviving …and it’s not your fault.

You were trained by the military and raised by our community to lead under pressure, to suppress your emotions, and to carry more than your fair share. However (comma), you were never meant to stay there. You deserve to live, not just function. You deserve freedom in sobriety.

Why We Need Spaces That Understand Us

That’s why I created the Self-Trust in Sobriety 1:1 coaching sessions—for Black women veterans who are tired of surviving and ready to reclaim their lives in sobriety.

This isn’t about fixing you or forcing yet another routine for you to conform to. These sessions are about honoring your humanity and creating a space where you don’t have to perform strength to feel supported.

Whether you need a single reset session (Tier 1: Grounded Start), consistent recovery support (Tier 2: Rooted Reset), or a deeper, community-anchored experience (Tier 3: Flourish and Transform + 30-day Healing Hub access), there’s a path here for you. One that moves at your pace and doesn’t require perfection, only permission—to begin again.

🌿 These sessions are now available in honor of my 18th sober birthday. Whooo hooo! (As my homegirl in recovery, Tracy, would say.) It’s more than a milestone—it’s a sacred offering. A way to give back what I wish I had when I first began.

You’re Allowed to Put It Down

Here’s what I’ve learned over 18 years of sobriety: healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in moments. Small, ordinary, powerful moments when you choose yourself time and time again. I know it sounds so simple, but it’s true.

That’s what I want for you—not just sobriety, but wholeness. Not just survival, but living. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

If you’ve been holding it all together for too long, this is your sign to let go, receive, and remember that you are already worthy of peace.

If you’re craving deeper support, connection, or clarity in your recovery journey, I’d love to invite you into any of the offerings built from my own recovery experience:

🌿 The elorasong Healing Hub – A soulful community for Black women veterans in recovery, designed to hold your story and help you grow. Join the Healing Hub.

🌿 Take the Recovery Personality Quiz – Not sure where you are in your journey? Discover your healing style and receive personalized guidance. Take the quiz here.

🌿 1:1 Coaching – Ready to work with me more closely? You deserve tailored support rooted in spiritual healing, cultural truth, and deep self-trust. Explore coaching options.

Until next time … Stay encouraged.

Elora